Guns, Dope, and Equality for Ostriches

Does that title just sound like a perfect campaign slogan? Well a party has it, the Guns and Dope Party!

We advocate
[1] guns for those who want them, no guns forced on those who don't want them (pacfists, Quakers etc.)
[2] drugs for those who want them, no drugs forced on those who don't want them (Christian Scientists etc.)
[3] an end to Tsarism and a return to constitutional democracy
[4] equal rights for ostriches.

Those are some solid core principals. You may be saying, "Well I'm all good with the guns and dope, but ostriches?" Well think about it, one third of all elected officials randomly replaced by ostriches could be good for this, or any, country. Not counting the possibility of an ostrich attack in parliament (which should be good enough reason on its own, but you aren't convinced read on), but this limits the power a politician can have. They may be replaced by an ostrich at any time! It will always keep them trying to fight for the people that elected them at all times since they may be randomly selected to be gone.

Going back to the ostrich attacks. The potential for ostrich attacks will make CPAC the highest rated channel on TV. Networks will be scrambling to provide live coverage of everything from committee meetings to budget readings. This means more accountability! The average Canadian doesn't know what these politicians actually do, but this won't be the case here. Upset about people watching too much American Idol or Survivor, well now citizens will be informed!

I'm not sure how this relates to policy, but I do enjoy this:

GUNS AND DOPE PARTY POSITION PAPER #23

Little Tony was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar after another.
After the 6th candy bar, a man on the bench across from him said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."

Little Tony replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."

The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"

Little Tony answered, "No, he minded his own fucking business."